my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
