Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
