You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
