I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
