Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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