Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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