I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
