Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Help. Why am I so naked?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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