im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
