I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
