just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
