We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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