i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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