Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
