me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
