Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I smell like Dick and happiness
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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