guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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