i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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