Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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