Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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