party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
