my mouth tastes like poor choices
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
