sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
