who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Randomize
