I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
