I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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