WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
