Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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