my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
