this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
