I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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