can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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