You're a womanizer and a bitch.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
