I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
