"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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