I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
