your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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