If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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