just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
