he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Randomize
