break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
