ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
