hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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