Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
