we have officially mastered the walk of shame
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Panties = found
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
