My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
