You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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