Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
