So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
