seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
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The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
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Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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