you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
