The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
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I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
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That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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