I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
