Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
