I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
