Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
