hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
