Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
