Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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