Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
