this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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